What do your introductions say about you?

I keep meeting new people this summer and that has allowed me to do a lot of introductions. This means I'm getting to listen to myself talk about who I think I am. I also get to hear a lot about how other people see themselves. All of this listening and noticing has put me in a state of wonder. Everyone has a view of himself or herself and everyone expresses it in their own way. I'm so fascinated by how these initial introductions are a reflection of how we are feeling about ourselves in the moment. Lately I have noticed a few things about myself based on how I introduce myself. Here are three of those things.

Tell me about your family.

Okay so I basically don't even bring up family in introductions or really at all. It's usually well into a new relationship or friendship before this comes up. It seems that for a lot of other people family is one of the first things that gets talked about. I'm not too keen on even introducing the basics about family like “How many siblings do you have?” or “Where do your parents live.” Family is a touchy subject for me. I've spent a lot of time dealing with my emotions when it comes to family but I still have a lot of forgiveness and healing work that I need to do. 

Where are you from?

I feel like some people are really going to relate to this one and other people aren't really going to get it. This one has been life long and it's very common, very very common for mixed race people (like me!) or 2^nd and 3^rd generation immigrants (not like me) to have the kinds of feelings I do about this question. “Where are you from” almost always means, “Why is your skin that color?”. I have a hard time with this question every time I hear it for two reasons. 1. It's a long explanation and I don't like telling it because I can never explain it well enough in the time that an introductory meeting allows. 2. Issues related to race and race politics that I have yet to do sufficient forgiveness and healing work around. 

What do you do?

I'm actually quite happy to hear his question lately. In the past year or so I have become increasingly comfortable with who I am, how I'm educated, and what I'm working on. I would say that I have focused a lot of my attention on forgiveness and healing work related to this question. Now that I'm truly proud of who I am and what I have to offer this question is getting easier and easier to answer. I often find I don't have enough time to answer this question either but that's because I'm excited to talk about it. In the past I would have definitely felt apprehensive talking about what I do because I still doubted myself and who I was. I felt like to answer this question was to answer the question “Please validate yourself to me.” Or “tell me why you are valuable”. Since I've healed and no longer have as many insecurities about what I do I can answer this question with ease and comfort.

In Conclusion

The things that are most difficult for us to talk about are the things that deserve the most attention. Take note of what makes you squeamish and investigate to see if there is something deep down that needs a little healing and forgiveness work.

You can do it

I believe in you

I love you

Have compassion for Yourself

This world is difficult to live in. Life is challenging. You may have personal circumstances that make life a little trickier for you. Things like mental illness, physical handicaps, past trauma or abuse, poverty, absent or uncooperative family members, and monetary debt can all make life more difficult than it would be if you were starting from a neutral position.

I am here to tell you that you can overcome anything. No matter what you are facing you can get through it, work with it, heal it, or defeat it. The only power that anything has over you is the power that you give it. I can say this because I know it to be true for myself.

I write a lot about things that people can do to heal their pain. One of the most important things in this category is to be able to have compassion towards yourself. Truly discovering what it is to have compassion for yourself will lead you directly down a path towards self love.

To be compassionate is to look at yourself with understanding and acceptance. Compassion is a form of love. Having compassion for yourself is about seeing the pain that you are dealing with and embracing yourself with understanding. Compassion is about letting go of blame and hatred and exchanging it for thoughts of genuine understanding. It’s about knowing that it’s not your fault. Compassion is about forgiveness. You can only begin the process of healing once you have released yourself form the burden of blame.

 

Try it right now. Step back for a second and view yourself objectively. Pretend you are outside of yourself looking in. This beautiful person that you are is just like everyone else. You’re simply doing your best within your current situation. You’re just doing the best you can with what you know. And you are doing very very well for yourself.

Take the time to recognize what you have already accomplished. Notice that all you really need to be compassionate is some love from yourself. Replace any thoughts you have about your own inadequacies, mistakes and failures with understanding. No one on this planet gets it all right all the time. No one here is any more special than anyone else. You are the same as anyone out there. Take a minute to forgive yourself for all the blame, shame, guilt, and pain that you have caused yourself with your thoughts. Change your mind about yourself and give your self a hug, a “thank you”, an “I’m sorry”, and an “I understand”.

You are teammates with yourself. Work together with your view of yourself to build love and understanding for yourself within your heart. You are the person that your heart has been waiting to receive love from. You are the person your heart has been waiting to love.

In Conclusion

Forgive, accept, understand, celebrate, congratulate, make peace with, and love yourself.

You can do it

I believe in you

I love you